It’s been well documented that following a creative pursuit leads to personal growth, satisfaction, and ultimately happiness. Despite the evidence, many of us hold ourselves back from going after what we want because of our self limiting beliefs.
Although we get started, our progress stalls when we hit a setback, and it reinforces our self limiting beliefs.
Another major contributor to our progress stalling and eventually derailing is the feedback we receive from our support systems such as our friends, families, and loved ones.
Those who are overly optimistic about our ability to bounce back.
When we share a setback with some folks, they are quick to tell us, “Well I’m sure you’ll figure it out!”
They believe in our abilities and resiliency. But what they lack is the problem-solving skills to help us when we’re in the thick of it.
It could be because they truly don’t know how to help, they don’t want to make things worse, or are just overly optimistic for us.
I’s nice to know they believe in us. But it doesn’t help us out of the setback we’re experiencing.
And as things escalate, it can leave us feeling lonesome.
Those who want to save us end up holding us back and reinforcing our self limiting beliefs.
Then there are those who genuinely care and want to help.
When they ask us how we’re doing, we’re quick to share what we’re going through, both good and bad. Sharing our struggles causes them to take notice and experience empathy.
Since they care, they want to help resolve our pain. They quickest way they know how is to recommend we stop doing what is causing the struggle.
We don’t want to be dismissive and we value their concern. So over time their voice and reasoning start to sink in, causing us to slowly question whether our creative pursuit is really worth it.
We’ve essentially creative a negative feedback loop and the momentum it develops over time causes us to back out of our creative pursuits.
Where does that leave us?
Some recommend not sharing with those who are most sensitive because they don’t understand and it will continue to hurt them.
I’d argue that you’re assuming they are incapable of understanding and supporting you how you want to be supported.
Build a stronger support system that stands up to self limiting beliefs
Leading up to my 30th birthday, I had shared some of the setbacks my startup was experiencing with my mom because I thought she could handle it. She’d always been a pillar of support and very resilient, having gone through her own setbacks.
At my birthday party, she decided enough was enough, and she needed to get through to me, so she proceeded to pick a fight. She let it all out. Telling me she was unhappy with how I’d been conducting my life, my choice of partners, and didn’t believe entrepreneurship was going to amount to anything. She wanted to see me happily married and settled in a steady job. She didn’t want me to endure what she had been through and wanted to save me from that life.
I could see where she was coming from, but it wasn’t who I was.
Instead of dismissing her concerns, I sat her down and walked her through how I was being true to myself. I shared all the points in my life that had let up to me deciding to strike out on my own. How these setbacks were natural. And what I needed was someone to support me through them, not ask me to quit the moment I experienced one.
When I was done, I did the only thing I could do, give her time to digest.
A lot of time.
Getting support from other sources during setbacks
It took her nearly a year to come around, to understand who I was and what I was trying to accomplish, and how she could support me.
During that period, I had to find others who could support me in spite of the setbacks.
That meant finding people who had been through similar challenges, had overcome them or could at least stomach them. And were willing to nurture people like me who were experiencing them in the present.
In building this new and robust support system, I also discovered people who were capable of pushing my past my comfort zone, when I was holding myself back.
Communicate how you want to be supported
Ultimately, our creative pursuit is ours. But that doesn’t mean people can’t contribute to it in a meaningful way through help and support. We need to be clear and communicate how we want to be helped and supported. Then given people time to digest and practice the support.
Now I want to know, have you built a support system for your creative pursuit? How did you do it? And how did it help you handle your self limiting beliefs? Please let me know in the comments below.
