How to Respond When You Just Can’t Find the Right Words

By Poornima Vijayashanker

I’ve got a TON to share this week about my latest trip to Chile!

You’re probably wondering, “Why did she pick Chile?”

Great question!

I had 2 reasons. The first reason was that last year I had a pretty busy summer, I was writing my first book, and working part time as an EIR at 500 Startups. It was a really productive summer, and was happy because I had found flow.

But I couldn’t help but feel like I had missed out on all the usual summertime activities because I was so heads down like: swimming in the frigid waters off the coast of Cali, riding my bike around town, and discovering a new ice cream flavor everyday!

When it was time to pick a vacation spot, I wanted to go where it was summertime in February: South America. And I wanted to find a spot that had a similar coastline to Cali: Chile.

The second reason I chose Chile was that I wanted to brush up on my Spanish. I started learning Spanish in 7th grade, and have been practicing it off and on, but there’s nothing like immersing yourself in the culture to really learn the language.

I took an immersion program in Buenos Aires, a few years ago, and they had a program in Chile too, so I signed up for it!

About a month before my trip, I really started to practice. I’d read books, spoke to anyone I knew who spoke Spanish, and watched telenovelas of course.

Why we care about finding the right words

You’d think that after all that practice I’d be all ready to bust out some Spanish the minute I landed.

But the truth is that when I landed and someone came up to me and asked me a question in Spanish, I had no idea how to respond. I instantly froze!

It’s not that I didn’t understand what they were saying. In fact I was amazed that I totally got it. I was stuck trying to figure out the right words to use to reply to them.

I’ve become so conditioned to speaking clearly, to make sure people understand what I’m saying.

But when you’re in a new environment and unfamiliar with the culture and practices, like I was, it can take you awhile to think through what you want to say and how to respond in the best way. Having to do this repeatedly can leave you feeling a bit frustrated. It’s normal to feel this way, because you’re an outsider.

If you’ve changed jobs, been introduced to a new customer, or have a new person on your team, you’ve probably experienced this moment too!

While you’re in it, you just feel like you can’t find the right words to say what you want to say…

Forget about finding the right words

There’s one trick that my 7th grade Spanish teacher Mrs. Marshburn taught me, and I want to share it with you all today.

At the end of every 6 week period, Mrs. Marshburn would have us partner up with another student and create a diálogo, it was basically a skit in Spanish. She’d also give us a theme like: ordering food, planning a party, etc.

The goal was to give us a chance to practice speaking Spanish, but also be as creative as we’d like.

We’d create our skit, rehearse it, and then play it out. It would be perfect and pretty funny.

Once we were done, the audience would be able to ask us a question. Since we had no idea what they’d be asking, we’d instantly freeze, and search for the right words to respond.

We all wished we could pull out our dictionaries and look up the right words for how to respond, but Mrs. Marshburn wouldn’t let us on diálogo days.

That’s when Mrs. Marshburn would chime in and say (in Spanish of course), “Don’t search for the right words. Speak using words you already know.”

And she’d add, “You won’t have a dictionary with you in real life!” So true.

I remembered Mrs. Marshburn’s trick when I was frozen at the airport in Chile. It helped me to get over worrying about what the other person was going to think, and communicate with them.

Was it perfect?

No.

Did I get my point across?

Yes.

Was anyone offended or pissed off at me?

No!

I wonder if Mrs. Marshburn’s trick inspired John Mayer’s lyrics, “Say what you need to say…”

Don’t be afraid to say what you need to say

The reason people don’t get offended is because they know you mean well, and are doing your best to communicate. They want to help too. So they’re not going to sit there and judge your word choice. Instead, they’re going to listen to understand you.

Throughout the rest of my trip I used Mrs. Marshburn’s technique. It helped me break the ice with people I didn’t know, and connect with some amazing Chileans.

Now I want to know when was the last time you just couldn’t find the right words? Was it at home or at work? What did you do to get past it? And how did the person on the receiving end react? Let me know in the comments below!

PS If you’re curious about what Chile is like, you can check out the photo album here. My favorite pic is from the Atacama Desert, it’s basically Mars on Earth!

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