Rejection: It’s NOT About You, It’s about Them
By Poornima Vijayashanker When I was in kindergarten I had this HUGE crush on this little red-headed boy named Rusty. Don’t ask me why. …
By Poornima Vijayashanker
When I was in kindergarten I had this HUGE crush on this little red-headed boy named Rusty. Don’t ask me why. I just did. But did Rusty like me back?
No.
I was of course hurt. It was the first time I’d really been rejected by another human being, and I didn’t really know what to do about it. So I did the only thing I could…
I kept chasing Rusty!
I thought I could surely change his mind over time. But it never worked. It took me awhile to finally figure out that he was way more into building sand castles with another girl.
That’s when I realized how I needed to handle rejection: I needed to give up on Rusty and move on! When I did, I started to make new friends, and I realized that I had really been missing out on getting to know all the other amazing kids in my class.
It was a valuable lesson for me to learn at an early age, and it also made me realize that I had to get comfortable with the idea of rejection.
The many forms of rejection
In our lives rejection comes in many forms: unrequited love, getting passed up for a promotion or fired, but the most common form that we choose to ignore is indecision.
It’s someone telling you, “Check back with us.” “Not right now, but maybe in the future.” Or my personal favorite, “Let me think about it.”
We don’t really handle rejection well when it comes in the form of indecision; we welcome it, because it creates a sense of hope for us. While hope is necessary, in this context it actually holds us back. We check back in, and we give people the time to “think about it”. And sure they deserve some time, but not all your time!
Some people don’t want to come right out and tell us they are disinterested, or that now really isn’t a good time for them. Hence, when we sense indecision, we really need to ASK for the rejection and then move on.
It’s not about being curt or callous. It’s as simple as starting with, “Looks like you need some time, how about I check back in shortly?” Shortly can be a week or month. It’s important to give people a deadline, otherwise you just end up prolonging the inevitable.
When you do check back in and if they still haven’t come up with an answer, follow up with, “It seems like now is just not a good time for you, and I completely understand. I do need to move forward, but feel free to reach out when you’re ready.” Give them an easy out and a chance to come back.
Get to the reason for the rejection
Most cases I’ve experienced it really is a matter of timing, and you’ll know if that’s the case when people come back. However, there are cases where there’s just not a good fit. To figure out which you’re dealing with you need to understand people’s reservations.
If you think you can address their reservations, then give it a shot! But if it’s not possible then you’ll need to find someone else.
A couple weeks ago I had a company show interest in our proposal to be an affiliate partner for Femgineer, but then back out. I thought it was a little strange, because I was going to be paying them to promote us. I sent a follow up email telling them that I would respect their decision, but I wanted to understand why they couldn’t partner with us. They responded and told me they were a pretty small company with limited resources, they just didn’t have the bandwidth to work with us. It was really helpful to get that feedback. We ended up changing our approach and attracting companies that were a better fit.
No matter how often you experience rejection it stings. But it usually has more to do with the needs of the other person than you. The sooner you can handle rejection and come to the conclusion that it’s not a right fit or the timing is off, the sooner you can move forward.
Now I want to know: when was the last time you were rejected? What did you do in the moment and after? Let me know in the comments below!
