Learning How to Communicate Compassionately and Confidently Takes Time
By Poornima Vijayashanker People reach out to me and tell me that they’d LOVE to improve their speaking style but they just don’t have …
By Poornima Vijayashanker
People reach out to me and tell me that they’d LOVE to improve their speaking style but they just don’t have time…
Let’s tackle time.
I’ve had a couple jobs where I’ve dreaded having 1-1s with my boss. I’d walk in, they’d ask me to sit down, then they’d start talking… Next thing I knew, 30 minutes was gone, and they would have been talking the whole time, while I proceeded to politely nod my head. They’d tell me things I needed to work on, ways I needed to improve, and then ask me for a status report. I felt like it was just a one-way street.
I didn’t have the guts to ask a question or say anything, because I felt like I was going to interrupt and that would be rude!
That was until I learned how to communicate compassionately.
Huh?!
I learned that if I wanted to say something I needed to speak up, but I didn’t have to be rude when I spoke up. So I’d start with something like, “Excuse me boss, but I’d really like to take a moment of your time to tell you about the progress I’m making on XYZ project. Would you be open to hearing about it?”
If they said yes, I’d go on and elaborate. However, if they were a little reluctant, I’d follow up with, “I understand that you’re very busy, but I think it’s important that you should know that the reason I’m falling behind on project XYZ isn’t because I haven’t been working on it. I’ve been helping Lisa with project ABC in addition to my work because no one on the team understands ABC like I do, others have tried, but it’s pretty complex. It’s going to be an initial investment of my time, but Lisa is coming up to speed quickly, and I think it’s important to transfer knowledge, I’m sure you’d agree.”
I learned how to be clear without being thought of as condescending.
I learned how to craft stories that presented situations as objectively as possible.
I learned how to assert myself without having to change my demeanor.
This took time to cultivate, but once I learned I was able to apply these strategies not just to 1-1s with my boss, but also to meetings with colleagues, in dealing with customers, and of course speaking in public, where sometimes you can get heckled.
Do you want to take the time to learn how to communicate compassionately and confidently?
Then think about coming out to the upcoming Femgineer Forum on June 19th on Why You Should Speak at Technical Conferences, register here.
