If your technical interview stalls and you can’t figure out why you’re not landing the role, the fix probably isn’t more proof of how good you are. This past weekend I was at a kid’s birthday party and the parents were all sharing their interviewing woes. Some had been on the job market for two, three, sometimes four quarters. They’re interviewing. And even the senior ones — people with real track records — aren’t landing.
“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” they tell me. “My interviews just don’t land — and the longer it goes, the less confident I get.”
What I learned interviewing at Apple, nine months postpartum
It reminded me of a time when I had been interviewing. In 2018 I started thinking about pausing Femgineer while I was pregnant with my first child. I interviewed at a handful of places: some early-stage startups, then the big names — Netflix, Google, and Amazon.
The feedback was all over the map. Some places said I was “too technical.” Other roles with international travel asked “if I had help at home.” One group asked why I even wanted to work for them, since I seemed to be doing well with Femgineer. And the places that did want me came with strings attached, like a long commute I couldn’t fathom managing after maternity leave.
Working moms who’d been at it longer gave me solid advice: “You want to be doing the same thing before and after your maternity leave.” So I set a deadline — land something by my first trimester, or get back out there after leave.
When my first child was nine months, the chance to interview at Apple came up. I had senior folks review my resume after the previous year’s botched attempts. And I still got off to a rocky start: I went to an event, had a lovely chat with a senior director, handed in my resume — and heard nothing. So I took a different approach. I reached out to a college friend already there, emailed her my resume, and she made sure the recruiter saw it.
That got me my first on-site phone screen. I prepped for two weeks; my husband, basically an SRE, grilled me on weekends. But a nagging voice kept asking, “Why would Apple want me?” I hadn’t worked at a company that big in almost a decade.
The moment the interview turned
In the final round, one director asked: “Are you comfortable presenting?” I found it funny — I said something like, “Yes, I can handle presentations to large audiences,” and slipped in that I’d pitched VCs. Then the questions moved out of my comfort zone. This was a factory-heavy role, and I’d never really worked with hardware or consumer electronics beyond writing EDA (electronic design automation) software.
So I came clean about the limits of my knowledge — and focused on what I knew I could deliver: shipping quality products on time. I showed how I’d done it at Mint.com and with Femgineer. I even walked them through self-publishing two books in six months, to show how I thought about the parts of a physical product coming together.
I got the offer. It was a low-ball, so I pushed for a higher level and more comp, talked it through with the hiring manager, and got what I wanted. It was a slog — even in 2019.
Looking back, the thing that landed it wasn’t proving how much I knew. It was being honest about what I didn’t, and clear about what I could deliver.
Seven years later, it still takes more than a handful of interviews for experienced people to land a role.
First, the murky part
Here’s what I hear constantly: people assume the problem is them — their skills, their voice, their confidence. So they double down on proving how good they are. That’s the mistake.
Let’s be honest about the macro picture: a lot of this isn’t you. It’s a brutal market, through no fault of the best of us. Reqs get pulled. Projects get shelved. The person interviewing you is being yanked in ten directions and often can’t even tell you why it stalled. You can be an excellent candidate and still not get the role. Plenty of technical interviews stall for reasons that have nothing to do with your ability.
And that’s what makes it so hard: when you can’t see behind the curtain, you can’t tell whether it’s you or them. So for now, suspend the disbelief in yourself. Assume it’s on their side. Then separate what you control from what you don’t, and pour your energy only into what you can shape.
When you can’t see behind the curtain, you can’t tell if it’s you or them. So stop assuming it’s you.
Why technical interviews stall (watch the pattern)
Here’s the tell. If you’re getting technical interviews and occasionally not getting the offer, that’s often just the market — a role that got pulled, a budget that froze, risk they’re quietly deciding not to take on right now.
But if you keep stalling at the same stage, interview after interview, that’s not bad luck. That’s a signal.
And the signal isn’t “you’re not good enough.” It’s that you’re being perceived a certain way, and it isn’t aligning with the values and outcomes the decision-maker is looking for. Selling yourself harder won’t fix that. The shift is from “how do I prove I’m impressive?” to “how am I coming across — and am I showing them what they actually need?”
Because here’s the real reframe: it was never about you. It’s about what you can deliver to the person making the decision.
About a year after I interviewed, I heard from a woman who’d interviewed for my role at Apple and really wanted it, but landed on a different team. She passed along the feedback: the hiring manager chose me because I had the Computer Engineering degree and a variety of experiences, while her resume focused on web development. He was calibrating for someone who showed breadth and could ship in many contexts — which is what the role actually required.
Read the room
You walk in ready to sell yourself — the STAR stories, the quantified wins, “here’s everything amazing I’ve done.” And when they ask, yes, answer that head-on. But the moment the conversation opens up, most people keep performing their résumé.
Flip it. Make it about them.
The person across the table is in the hot seat. They’re overwhelmed. And quietly, they’re afraid of two things: that you’ll be one more source of chaos, and that you might come for their job. They aren’t looking for a hero to shake things up. They want someone who’ll make them look good, control the chaos, take feedback, and not need much hand-holding.
So the most powerful thing you can do is ask: What’s already working that you want to keep? What would you like to test? Where do I have room to run, and where would I get guidance? You’re not interrogating — you’re showing them you’re already thinking on their behalf. You’re an ally, not an adversary.
That reading — sensing what someone actually needs and speaking to that — is the one thing AI can’t do for you. AI will write your résumé, polish your STAR stories, and draft your cover letter. That’s commoditized now; everyone has it. What’s rare is the human across the table who makes them feel understood.
What “the best communicator in the room” actually means
It’s not the loudest or most polished. It’s the person who can:
- Make a recommendation they can stand behind — because they know what’s in their control and what isn’t, and they don’t hedge or over-promise.
- Fill their own gaps out loud — pull in someone else’s expertise when needed, with clear deadlines and deliverables, instead of bluffing.
- Name the next step — provide direction into the ambiguity, even when senior leadership can’t. That’s what people are desperate for right now.
- Put the risk on the table — with numbers. Spell out all three kinds: the capital (does something need to be bought — what’s the price and the ROI?), the time (what’s the honest delivery timeline?), and the ambiguity (what’s still unknown — the pieces you’re waiting on from a vendor or another team?). Wrap all three into one picture so they can see around the corner.
That fourth one used to be a PM’s or TPM’s job. Not anymore. With the consolidation happening across the market, senior people are now expected to see around corners themselves — to hold the capital, the timeline, and the unknowns, and still make the call.
And notice what none of this requires: a flashy new channel, a new tool, a brand-new skill. It’s about honing one line of expertise until you can stand behind it.
The move isn’t a flashy new skill. It’s honing one line of expertise until you can stand behind the results.
The takeaway
Before your next technical interview — or your next high-stakes conversation — don’t rehearse your greatest hits. Write down one thing: what is the person across from me actually afraid of, and what do they need delivered? Then speak to that.
You’ll stop selling. You’ll start connecting. And connecting — reading a human and giving them exactly what they need — is the one thing AI can’t outsource.
If you want help building that skill, the Inventory Method is Lesson 1 of a free three-part series I put together. And if you want to go deeper, that’s the heart of the Confident Communicator Course — six weeks of live practice and feedback; the fall cohort starts October 9, with registration open through September 25.
