It’s the start of a new year. A blank slate. A chance to let go. A chance to reinvent ourselves!
But what prevents us from falling into the same traps as last year?
From making the same mistakes?
Resolutions!
Do they really?
It’s easy to make a resolution that is just an action: ”I’ll commit to eating more veggies! I’ll exercise more! I’ll save money!”
We’ve all made an endless list of these resolutions, but over time we cheat.
We miss a day of eating veggies because we think: does it really matter?
We skip out on exercise because we’ve had a long day at work.
We buy those cute shoes because they were on sale!
Why we renege on our resolutions
It’s easy to cheat or renege on resolutions because we don’t really see the value in sticking to them.
This is why I’ve found resolutions that are based on behaviors or actions pretty much useless.
To truly change ourselves, we have to start by changing our mindset and our beliefs, because if we hold on to the same mindset and beliefs from the past year, then we’ll just continue to practice the same behaviors.
For example, if I believe veggies are tasteless or useless, then no amount of scientific evidence, goal setting, or having someone hold me accountable is going to make me eat them.
But if I believe in a healthy lifestyle, then I’ll consider eating more veggies and find interesting ways to make them taste better.
Next, if I believe that saving money is a worthwhile activity, then before I make a purchase I’ll evaluate my desire to buy those cute shoes.
Another reason we cheat is because we don’t give ourselves a break.
Sure there will be days that we have to work long hours and won’t have enough energy to exercise, or an unexpected expense comes up and we have to pay for it.
In those moments we’ll cave, but if we truly believe, we’ll understand it’s an exception, and we’ll get right back because we believe.
Belief is what drives us to change our behaviors
If we continue to have long days at work but believe in exercise, then we’ll consider exercise earlier in the day. Or figure out why we’re having long days at work — perhaps we’re being unproductive or not pushing back to give us time to do other things?
If we haven’t saved in a few months, then we’ll re-evaluate our expenses and spending habits.
What about accountability partners?
What about them?
Having someone tell us what to do isn’t what creates change.
It’s us wanting to change.
If my partner or buddy tells me I need to eat veggies, exercise, and save money, and I don’t believe in the value of doing them, then over time their words are going to feel like nagging. I may even become resentful because they keep bringing it up and when they do it’s a reminder of how ineffective I am.
Doesn’t mean that an accountability partners is worthless. Instead of reminding us to do the particular action, they need to ask us if we still hold on to a belief. For example, they can ask us: Do you still believe in leading a healthy lifestyle? Do you still believe it’s worthwhile to save money?
If the answer is no, then they can move on! If the answer is yes, then they can follow up with: How do you plan to do that?
They should be holding us accountable to our beliefs, not our behaviors.
What if you don’t yet believe?
There are times where we might be trying something for the first time and are unsure about its efficacy.
In that case, it’s OK to start with the behavior, and if we start to see results, then convert that into a belief.
About five years ago I believed that drinking 1–2 cups of coffee was the only way I was going to be productive and would give me an excuse to sleep less.
Then I decided to give it up for two weeks, just to see how it would change my life. I’ll admit it was hard, and I didn’t initially believe it was a worthwhile habit to break. I went through withdrawal symptoms and had to sleep more, which made me feel like I was doing less.
But I stuck with it for about a month, and over time I started to experience a number of benefits. The headaches went away, as I slept more I made better decisions, got more done, and was overall happier each day.
As I experienced the benefits I started to believe.
If you do start with the behavior, you have to give yourself ample time to see the results. This why people prescribe committing to an action for about 29 days because in that span of time we start to see breakthroughs that then cause us to believe.
The only way we really reinvent ourselves and make effective resolutions is if we set resolutions based on beliefs, and sometimes that might mean questioning or changing our existing beliefs, then taking a look at the habits and actions that are or aren’t aligned with them.
Now I want to know you intend to set and stick to resolutions in 2017, let know in the comments below!
