Dealing With Daily Disappointments
As the year comes to a close, we have a general feeling of uneasiness caused by moments of dissatisfaction due to unfulfilled dreams and …
As the year comes to a close, we have a general feeling of uneasiness caused by moments of dissatisfaction due to unfulfilled dreams and goals.
Some of those dreams and goals aren’t even our own doing. They slowly seep into our minds by others feeding us thoughts about how we should live and what we should want from life.
If we’re not carefully we end up mixing them altogether into a hodgepodge of expectations.
To cope with the uneasy feeling, we set grandiose expectations that next year will be better! We essentially medicate our minds with phrases like, “Next year I’ll save more!” “Next year I’ll lose more weight!” “Next year I’ll make that trip to Paris happen!”
Our hope is that next year will be better…
This year we couldn’t control our fates, but next year we’ll make things happen!
But will they?
Part of the problem is that we expect too much. Too much from the universe, others, and of course ourselves.
And when our expectations are unmet we feel disappointed. Over a lifetime, some become disgruntled, cursing at the universe, seeing only the bad in others and themselves.
It causes them to become bitter or numb, thinking that life is just a series of disappointments.
However, after studying such people I concluded that was no way I wanted to live my life, because it also meant that I’d be projecting my disappointment onto others, thereby spreading it like an epidemic.
I wanted to figure out a way out.
I started studying people throughout time and my travels, who were generally content and some exuberantly happy, regardless of their social or financial status, location in the world, and major or minor setbacks they had faced throughout their lives.
What I discovered was that while they were productive and worked towards personal goals, had high standards for themselves, treated others kindly, and distanced themselves from those who didn’t they also set no expectations around a particular outcome.
They managed their thoughts throughout the day. If they experienced a positive outcome they relished it. Meanwhile, a setback didn’t seize them. Instead, they took it in stride, like a passing cloud, knowing that it was only temporary.
Sure some clouds take longer to pass than others. To handle those requires a reserve of resilience, which is comprised of personal care, a support system of caring friends and family, acknowledging that positive moments have occurred in one’s life and the general hope that things will improve.
Upon witnessing this, I decided to set a resolution that I would set no expectations around outcomes. To make sure I stuck to it throughout the year, I had a running mantra in my head each day that I practiced whenever I got a little anxious, it was simply, “No expectations.”
I started with myself. Instead of expecting a lot from myself each day, I set up small wins. If I couldn’t make something happen, then tomorrow was another day.
With others, instead of being disappointed or trying to change someone’s rude or resistant behavior, my reaction was to react to them with kindness, because I assumed they were having a bad day or had other things they were dealing with. I was not the center of the universe, and how silly of me for thinking so!
Finally, because I wasn’t wedded to a particular outcome, I started to notice there was an abundance of opportunities. Then it was up to me to choose which ones I wanted to say yes to based on my needs and standards.
My mindset became more flexible. As a result, setbacks become more manageable, and I appreciated and enjoyed moments that came my way instead of trying to find faults with them.
This was my approach, I’m still working on it, and I realize it may not be for everyone. If there’s another approach that has worked for you, I’d be curious to learn what it is. Let me know in the comments below!
