Ever had one of those days when the usual deep breaths, mantras, and a double shot of espresso just aren’t cutting it?
And then someone, maybe a dear friend, child, or spouse comes up to ask for a moment of your time or a small favor.
Normally you’d happily oblige. But today is just NOT one of those days.
You tried to stay composed, but unbeknownst to you, you slip and blow up at someone.
You feel terrible for doing it, and you’re just not sure how to make things right because you’re still tired and can’t think straight.
You’re not alone…
One of my readers recently reached out and wrote:
Hey Poornima,
I’ve been enjoying your posts on Medium, they’ve helped me out a lot!
I’m reaching out today because I’m in a new role, which is very demanding. I’ve been grinding for the past 6 months, and now I’m exhausted. I can’t remember the last time I slept more than 5 or 6 hours.
I’m having trouble getting through simple tasks like grabbing coffee for a co-worker.
A few days ago, I lost control, and yelled at one of my co-workers that I’m not a Starbucks barista!
They didn’t deserve it… They don’t usually ask, this was the first time they did because I was on my way over there.
I don’t know what has gotten into me. Simple things are starting to stress me out.
I swear I’ve never blown up like that before, it’s like something in me snapped.
I feel awful.
How do I patch things up with my co-worker? And can you suggest ways I can handle the stress more gracefully?
Sincerely,
Harper
When we push and push our minds and bodies to the brink of burnout, we lose our willpower.
Compassion and caring are the first to go. Afterall, how can we care for others, when we’ve stopped caring about ourselves?
As a result, we stop thinking clearly, and any simple request or act can cause us to go berserk!
When we lose control, like Harper did a few days ago, there are sadly victims who undeservedly receive our retaliation, like Harper’s co-worker.
Here are a few ways to patch things up.
Give yourself time to calm down completely and then apologize
We’ve all snapped at some point in time.
Trying to resolve the situation right after doesn’t help. Your brain is still in shock, and you’ve still got adrenaline running through your veins. Plus you don’t know what’s going on with the person on the receiving end.
So once you’ve snapped, if you can, it’s OK to retreat and calm down.
Then take the time to think through what you’re apologizing about. A blanket apology may easily be dismissed.
Take the time to apologize for exactly what you said and did.
Also, highlight that your burnout isn’t an excuse for blowing up and you know that.
Some folks are quick to forgive and forget, others take time
While you might be ready to mend, the person on the receiving end may be a bit shell-shocked. Give them time to come around. Don’t expect them to accept your apology immediately.
If this is the first time they’ve seen you this way, and they’ve known you for awhile, they’ll know this isn’t your true nature.
But if the relationship is new, they might be worried or concerned about when it will happen again.
You can give them reassurances, but as the old adage goes: “Actions speak louder than words.”
Give them time to see that this was really just a one-time incident.
Take a break immediately
We all know that when we’re burnt out we need to take a break, but sometimes we’re too late.
We’re too late because we committed to a tight deadline, accepted work without anticipating all the consequences, or there’s something else going on in our lives that makes it harder to meet every single commitment.
It doesn’t matter what is due or when it’s due, just take a break ASAP.
Take a long walk, take the night off and get some rest, or if you can, take a few days off.
Get to the bottom of what is causing you to burnout and work to keep it at bay
Harper mentioned being in a new and demanding role.
It doesn’t matter whether you did or didn’t know the ins and outs of the role. You accepted it, and have to figure out how to handle it.
Start by taking stock of what is demanding about it.
Are you doing a lot of firefighting and handling urgent requests?
Are you dealing with deadlines that are doomed?
Do you have the help you need? Know that it’s OK to ask for help, especially when you’re on the brink of burnout.
Or is it something else, like the environment or culture aren’t a good fit?
Awareness is the first step, getting help is the second.
For any ailment, prevention is the best policy.
You can start by making small changes throughout your day to mediate burnout, like taking the time to clear your mind and becoming more vigilant about what you and don’t commit to.
Those help, but you still need to set aside time consistently for personal care. When you care for yourself, it becomes easier to care for others as well.
Do you have a burnout suggestion for Harper? Let us know in the comments below!
