Last night I was invited to a special dinner at the Grace Hopper Conference. Each table had about 10 people, and we were encouraged to discuss topics that we continually struggled with. During the discussion, someone asked the question, “Where does your self-confidence come from: is self confidence intrinsic or extrinsic?”
Intrinsic means that your self-confidence just comes from within you. You don’t need any external validation such as people or being proficient at a skill.
This is rather rare. In fact, only 1 out of the 10 people at the table claimed to have an intrinsic source of self-confidence.
While the rest said their source of self-confidence was extrinsic.
Extrinsic is obviously the converse of intrinsic, but unlike intrinsic, there are a few sources to derive extrinsic self-confidence.
One source is inspiration. For example, when we are confronted with learning something new and are filled with self-doubt, we can relate to an inspirational figure or situation to get us going.
While an inspiring source acts as a catalyst, we need a longer term source of self-confidence to build up momentum and keep us going, otherwise known as motivation. Motivation comes in the form of a teacher, coach, or someone that believes in us. As we experience setbacks and self-doubt, they help us get through it and to the next level.
As we become more proficient through practice, the proficiency leads us to gain self-confidence.
What causes us to fall into the extrinsic versus intrinsic camp?
One major source is being underestimated by others such as our peers, friends, family, or people we serve like bosses and managers.
No matter how much we want to believe in ourselves, if others don’t, it leads us to question ourselves
Once our skills, talents, or abilities are questioned, it shakes our self-confidence. We feel like we need to prove ourselves, and in order to prove ourselves, we have to feel the need to improve. And we’re back to needing to be proficient to gain confidence.
Even after we gain self-confidence through proficiency, it can be threatened by the impostor syndrome.
Meanwhile, people who are intrinsically self-confident are confident prior to being proficient. They know they can become proficient, and lack self-doubt.
The one downside to intrinsic self-confidence is known as the Dunning-Kruger effect.
Do you know where your self-confidence of comes from? Is self confidence intrinsic or extrinsic? Let me know in the comments below.
