I just returned from spending two weeks on the road. First working in NYC, then visiting my best friend Jessica in Boston, and finally celebrating the wedding of a really good friend of mine, Sophie, in Bordeaux. The pictures above are of Sophie and me at her wedding on Saturday (right), and Jessica and I celebrating it (left).
I began traveling when I was 18 months old. Leaving the place where I was born, Chennai (back then known as Madras), India, to travel halfway across the world to live in San Francisco, California.
Perhaps this is why I have a hard time sitting still.
In high school, I’d travel all around the United State every month, because I was one of those speech and debate geeks who were fortunate to compete on the national level.
Visiting new states and making friends with people from around the country made me realize how much I could learn from people around the country. It compelled me to want to leave where I had grown up, San Antonio, Texas and go to college elsewhere in the US.
Post-college the country wasn’t enough. I began traveling all over the world, dedicating time to learning foreign languages, and sharing my work experiences both online and offline.
You can discover a lot staying put too
Of course, I’ve had periods of my life where I’ve been grounded in one place, and years where I haven’t left the country at all.
Some folks might find it stifling, but I think it’s wonderful to spend time with those who are closeby. You get to have shared daily experiences. Some of my favorites are practicing yoga at my home studio with the same group of folks every day, taking a break in the middle of the day to enjoy tea or coffee with a friend, or catching up over a meal after a long week.
And just because I’m sitting in one place doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy the company of people far away. I’ve enjoyed exchanging notes with my readers and connecting with my students through Femgineer. Hearing about what’s going in their lives and their part of the world helps me understand what they’re going through, expands how I think and act, and most importantly appreciate what I have.
It’s not just about diversity, it’s about discovering what’s possible
It’s easy to get attached to our way of lives and thinking. It provides comfort, even if it might be stifling.
We end up believing in a singular approach, opposing new ideas because it requires being open to change, or just thinking that people are imposing their cultural norms upon us.
It only gets harder as we get older, because the outcomes of something new are unknown and uncertain, which lead us to feel anxious.
But what if we took a chance, suspended our cynicism momentarily, or at least took a moment to indulge in our differences?
What would we learn from each other, and is a possibility that the learnings would make our lives better?
Letting in strangers in a strange land
I’ve spent the past few years creating a lifestyle that lets me be flexible because I know myself enough to know that I will feel an urge to discover more. My curiosity to understand how the other sides of the world live, work, and play tugs at me. Telling me, it’s time to renew that passport and hit the road!
You’d think that the long flights, waiting in airports, jet-lag, and trying to communicate with others who may not completely understand me would tire me out, but it doesn’t.
If you consider yourself a traveler then you probably know why.
When you first step foot in a brand new place, you don’t know anything about, you’re filled with the excitement of serendipitous events taking place. Ones that will shape the way you think and live.
One of they key criteria for serendipity is being open, which is as easy as smiling at a stranger. But can be extremely scary and hard to do, because from a young at we’re taught not to talk to strangers.
But when you’re alone thousands of miles away from home, you get tired of listening to your own thoughts, loneliness kicks in, and all you want it to speak to someone. That’s when you have to rely on your powers of reading people, being aware of your surroundings, and of course being willing to take a risk.
While the novelty of a new place is nice, what I enjoy most are the friendships I forge in new places. Then keeping those friendships going thanks to technology. I’m often surprised at how close of a friendship I can develop with someone via email and video chats just a few times a year versus those who might only be a few miles away from me.
Because it all boils down to the amount of time you invest.
And when you nurture those friendships, you end up feeling a deep connection. It’s that deep connection that I crave, because, after all, I am human, a social creature.
When you can’t help being a human and in need
As introverted or reclusive as I may want to be, it’s those deep connections that are my reserve for when I’m feeling anxious, lonely, or just having a bad day. I know there will be someone around the world, I can reach out to, or even just relax and recall a wonderful memory during a busy day.
Then there are the times when I’ve needed a helping hand…
Like the time I broke my foot my junior year of college during finals, and my BFF Jessica helped me navigate on crutches around our snow-covered college campus.
And the time when I didn’t listen to my good friend Sophie, when she cautioned me to ALWAYS look both ways before crossing the street in London. I didn’t heed her advice, got hit by a van, and she was kind enough to drop whatever she was doing to come to my aid, and sit with me for hours in the emergency room.
I do my best to never forget those moments because they perfectly capture the importance of friends who are near and far.
It’s easy to get caught up in our daily lives and personal goals
I’ll be the first to admit enslaving myself with an endless to-do list, being driven by ambition, and as a result, de-prioritizing making time for others, or neglecting to nurture friendships when life gets in the way.
I know the feelings that creep in when I do it too often: feeling sad, lost, lonely, and if suppressed over time can lead to endless bouts of anxiety.
I’m not the only one. The reason many folks suffer from depression, anxiety, and addiction isn’t just a chemical imbalance, it’s also been attributed to the loss of connection and the sense of community.
So while it’s become easy to be transactional with people because there are 7 billion of us around, our lives, the sense of purpose we have daily, and feeling of happiness are hard to achieve without the continued support of feeling connected to others.
Over the years, I’ve realized the importance of how much richer my life is when I do take time out to make my friends a priority, and make new ones as they come along.
Even though some folks may hurt us, staying open means that we can invite those who will help mend us. Sometimes you just have to let people in.
Because the final benefit to seeking out strangers, connecting with them over time, and turning them into friends is that full feeling in our hearts.
How has your life and thinking changed as you’ve let people in? Let me know in the comments!
