Why Doing the Right Thing Doesn’t Lead to Instant Rewards
At the start of the year most people are pretty eager to do the right thing, but I’ve actually heard a contrary sentiment from …
At the start of the year most people are pretty eager to do the right thing, but I’ve actually heard a contrary sentiment from more than a handful of readers.
“Poornima, I am doing the so-called right thing: working hard and focusing, but I’m not seeing any rewards. Meanwhile everyone else around me who is doing the bare minimum and taking the easy way out is having fun! How long am I supposed to grind away?!”
Ah yes delayed gratification.
Reminds me of the time when I turned 16…
Everyone at my high school was getting a BMW or at least it seemed like it. I figured my parents hadn’t gotten the memo, so one afternoon I approached my dad and said, “Dad, I just turned 16, and I was wondering if you are going to get me a car?”
My dad looked at my bewildered and said, “What do you need a car for? You can take the bus.”
Me, “But dad the bus is really not cool. I’m already a weird Indian kid who people are annoyed with for making the best grades in school… Having a car would help me fit in.”
My dad, “I’m not paying for car insurance so you can fit in.”
I could see I was going nowhere, so I tried another approach, “Dad my friend Sara got a car because she got all A’s last semester, don’t you think I deserve a reward for making all A’s too?”
My dad, “You’re supposed to get A’s, and getting into college is the reward.”
OK. Clearly I wasn’t going to get a car.
For the next 2 years I continued to make A’s and went to high school car free.
No reward for 4 years…
It got even harder in college.
Me: “Dad I’d like $800 to join a sorority.”
My dad: “I’m paying for you learn not to party.”
*facepalm*
Are you starting to see a theme here?
Well after I graduated with not one but two engineering degrees from college my dad gave me a car (not a BMW – a used Honda Accord – very reliable). He also helped me move out to California, and bought me some furniture for my new apartment which was pretty cool.
By then all those years of not partying and spending my time studying taught me a valuable lesson: to not expect instant rewards for effort.
I also learned that just because you don’t get instant rewards doesn’t mean that the work you’re putting in is worthless. Even if we’re not rewarded, it’s important to acknowledge our accomplishments, and I’ve mentioned before what happens when we don’t.
Finally, I learned that just because others are being rewarded with things doesn’t mean that they’re actually learning a lesson. Years later a few of my friends, who had received BMWs lamented to me that their parents giving them all the comforts they needed hadn’t taught them how to earn things themselves. They had to learn self-reliance the hard way.
OK so you’re probably wondering: “What if someone previously agreed to reward you – like a promotion? Or what if you’re just spinning your wheels doing hard work and not seeing results?”
Good questions! I’ll tackle those questions next time 😉
Now I want to know is there something you’ve been working on where you did experience unanticipated or instant rewards? How did you react to the reward? Let me know in the comments below.
