By Poornima Vijayashanker
A few weeks ago I went to Boston for the first time to visit my BFF Jessica. Jessica is one of those people who runs marathons like it’s a walk in the park, and I admire her for that!
On Sunday morning, when we woke up, Jessica said she was gonna go for a long run. I was no where near marathon shape and was also recovering from a cold. But I wanted to tag along and run for as long as my legs and lungs would allow me.
Jessica was a little nervous about how far I could go, but I told her that I’d just stop when I was tired and wait for her to return. Around mile 4 or 5, I did need to stop to take a break. I did some yoga and meditated, while Jessica continued onward, and then returned to to pick me up. We ran back together.
Jessica completed 13 miles and I came in behind her at a mere 9 miles.
After our run, Jessica thanked me for joining her on her run because it gave us time to hang out. But she also thanked me for being honest about my limits and being self-sufficient when I knew I couldn’t push myself further.
While it is important to push ourselves, it’s also OK to tell people when you cannot push yourself further.
However, many folks think they need to push themselves to the limits to please others like their bosses, colleagues, or family. They’re afraid of letting people down or being seen as weak. Ultimately, this leads to burnout or feelings of resentment. But we only have ourselves to blame, because we weren’t being honest about our limits.
Of course, sometimes we don’t know what they are and we think we can push on, which is OK. But once we do learn our limits we need to acknowledge them and tell others.
Telling people your limits isn’t letting them down, it’s actually setting expectations clearly.
People who are respectful of others boundaries, will accept the limits you set, and work around them. Those who are overly aggressive will either have to learn to change their style, or find others who can meet their demands.
Most importantly, you don’t need to change your style if it’s goes against who you are, or will harm you physically or mentally.
It’s not weak to let people know your limits; it actually takes a fair amount of strength and self-awareness.
When we’re wishy washy or fail to be clear, then people take it as a sign of us being weak or that we can be easily pushed over or manipulated. They think we’re holding back on them. But when we clearly communicate our needs, in a firm and frank manner, then others will “get” us.
Now I want to know when’s the last time you had to tell someone your limits? Was it a loved one or someone in professional context? How did they react? Let me know in the comments below!
