by Karen Catlin [dropcap bg=”#ba82e0″ color=”#ffffff”]If[/dropcap]you receive the Femgineer weekly email, you’ll remember that last week’s theme was about clarity, and how we often beat …
by Karen Catlin
[dropcap bg=”#ba82e0″ color=”#ffffff”]If[/dropcap]you receive the Femgineer weekly email, you’ll remember that last week’s theme was about clarity, and how we often beat around the bush instead of just asking for what we want. I’m as guilty of this as the next person! Even if I think I’m being direct, I make mistakes such as:
- Using passive voice, which dilutes an otherwise direct request. “The dishwasher needs to be emptied.” vs “Please empty the dishwasher.”
- Using extra words that take away from the clarity of my ask. “It would be great if you could take out the trash.” vs. “Please take out the trash.”
Yes, the simplest phrases are the most powerful. My favorite is one that I heard at a seminar for parents at my children’s high school. The speakers shared statistics about teenage drug & alcohol use and told us about their first-hand experiences with addiction. They also recommended that we tell our kids, “My expectations are that you won’t do illegal drugs and that you won’t drink until you are 21, and then that you will do so responsibly.”
I felt like hitting myself on the side of the head. While I wanted my children to stay away from drugs and alcohol, I don’t think I had ever explicitly told them. At breakfast the next morning, I mentioned the seminar, and I replayed the exact phrase, “My expectations are…”
Will these words alone be enough to keep my kids from experimenting? Of course not. But, by saying them, I reinforced our family values in the context of drug use and underage drinking, and I felt I was doing so in a way that was respectful and demonstrated that I trusted them to make good choices.
[dropcap bg=”#ba82e0″ color=”#ffffff”]It[/dropcap]got me thinking about the equivalent in leadership, and how I could make use of the phrase, “My expectations are…” when I delegate projects, write performance reviews, and speak at employee meetings. Using these words, I could describe things in a way that would show my trust, motivate them, and perhaps even inspire them to achieve more than they thought they could. E.g., “My expectations for the budget proposal are that you will deliver an executive summary with a detailed spreadsheet, by the deadline, and that you will identify the right people to work with so that the proposal is accepted quickly.”
To explore using this phrase in a written performance evaluation, I decided to dust off some of my past reviews. In one, a manager gave me somewhat vague input into what I should be doing:
- “Over the coming year it will be very helpful for you to continue your advocacy for your group and the collaboration with the business units…”
- “I encourage you to focus more time on a longer term roadmap for your group…”
- “I also encourage you to continue building out your thoughts on areas for you to have greater impact than you even do now at the company and where that may lead to developing skills further…”
Imagine how much more effective and empowering his guidance would have had if he had used the “My expectations are” phrase:
- “Over the coming year, my expectations are that you will meet with all the key players in the business units, ensuring that there is excellent collaboration…”
- “My expectations are that you will deliver a 3-year roadmap for your group…”
- “My expectations are that you will identify two new service offerings, along with a plan for developing and rolling them out to the company.
So much better!
[dropcap bg=”#ba82e0″ color=”#ffffff”]?[/dropcap]Do you have a favorite simple yet powerful phrase to convey values, rules, directives, or goals? Please share it in the comments. I look forward to hearing from you.
Karen Catlin, a former software industry executive, is now a leadership coach and the latest member of the Femgineer team. She is passionate about helping women have successful careers in tech. She’s also the author of “Use Your Inside Voice“, a blog about the intersection of leadership and parenting; a version of this post was originally published there. Find her on Twitter at @kecatlin.
