When I was a senior at Duke I was determined to be my own woman. In my mind I thought it would be the last year of my life that I would be living my life on my own terms and not have anyone to answer to; I had the freedom to set my own goals, and work towards my own success.
At the time I thought I was making the right decision. Having my own life and my own territory was the only one thing that mattered to me, no one was going to trespass. I was reminded by this recently when I was watching an episode of LipStick Jungle. Mary Tyler Moore who plays Brooke Shields, Wendy’s mom, berates her for helping her daughter with her homework, and making the family dinner instead of working long hours at her company. Wendy’s mom is trying to help Wendy realize that someday Wendy may not be the president of her company, she won’t be the leader or own her career. Wendy’s mom lost ownership of her career years ago when she made the decision to build a family. Now she’s trying desperately to re-start the career she left, but she’s over 60, and no one believes she has the drive of a younger woman. Wendy’s mom and I both believe that building one’s career is about carving out a space for yourself. Its how we measure our success and our happiness, because its the only area in your life that you can control, and make decisions in. And when you’re younger you have more freedom because you’re only responsible for yourself. Losing one’s career is tantamount to losing one’s purpose, and having purpose is what keeps us productive and makes us happy.
To some Wendy’s mom’s situation might seem bleak, but I don’t think thats the point. Freedom is about making choices, and yes sometimes those choices mean giving up certain values like a career. And while it might take years to rebuild what you once gave up that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth the effort. In the words of Dido, “If my life is for rent and I don’t learn to buy, the I deserve nothing more than I get, cause nothing I have is truly mine.”
