Category: Fiction

20 June, 2010

The American Kanavu

The minute you entered his room you left the sultry surroundings of Madras and entered a different world, one that resonated with who he wanted to become one day. His bookshelves resembled a timeline. One shelf started with John Locke and ended with Dan Brown in between it were Kerouac, Hemingway, and Steinbeck. Another was filled with biographies of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Warren Buffet, and Oprah. He was a young man who grew up in the far east and dreamed of going west. For as long as he could remember his dream had been to move to America and make a life for himself. He had never been, but he was determined to make it happen. You’d often wonder where Kumar got his ambition from, his father, Shanker was but a simple man whose only dream in life was to live in Madras, publish English books for Oxford University Press, drive a scooter, and enjoy Tamil movies with his wife Priya.

But then you’d take one look at Priya and you’d understand where Kumar got his brains and his drive. Priya was the force that championed Kumar. She had studied physics and been a great lecturer at the university level, and would have been happy to have been a spinster had it not been for a chance meeting with Shanker at the age of 30. Shanker was 2 years her junior. Priya was enamored with his simplicity and sweetness. She knew that he would never leave Madras and it would mean giving up her lifelong dream of becoming a professor at a prestigious institution like Princeton. So she like many women of her time decided it was enough to be satisfied than chase a pipe dream. What was she supposed to do, move to America alone? That was not only unheard of but grounds for being disowned, and her family had already had a hard time getting her married. She intimidated all the men she met with her knowledge of physics, philosophy, which was only secondary to her beauty and radiance. Kumar was her dream, seeing him succeed and accomplish great things is what she wanted more than anything. But she wasn’t overbearing like the other mothers in the community who wanted their sons to go to America and send them back money so they could buy gold jewelry. No, she wanted Kumar to explore and have options, the ones that the society of her time had not given her.

It was the night before he was leaving for America to start graduate school. Priya walked into Kumar’s room. She looked at him and tears started to well up in her eyes. Kumar was a sweet boy he knew his mother would be strong, but he felt like he was going to be leaving behind a huge part of him. His heart was torn between the life and loved ones he had lived with the last 22 years and the new life he would be starting.

“Kumar, my dear son, these are tears of joy. I am so proud of you. I don’t want you to think that you are leaving me behind. We will be together once again very shortly.”

Kumar turned to his mother. He had been preparing for this moment, but still didn’t know what to say or do. So he just gave her a hug. Shanker walked in, and smiled at the two. He was the jolly one of the family, “Come now, let’s enjoy our last night together! Your mother has made some wonderful dosas. Let’s eat and take some good rest. You have a long flight ahead of you my boy.” The three of then embraced one last time before dinner. It wouldn’t be the last time they embraced, but to Kumar it would be the last time being in the house and the room he had grown up in.

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7 June, 2009

Her World – Installment 5

Jenna sat looking out of her bay window in her old brownstone. As the sun’s rays beamed on her face she drifted deep into thought; this was the place she had hoped to call home again. She hadn’t had any expectations for her return. She had always thought of this place as home, because of all the fond memories and experiences that took place here. During her travels she would think about them, she would imagine herself laying in bed alone and gazing out at the street, or cooking in her kitchen assembling her mis-en-place, and then enjoying the fragrances and aromas of her creations. She often wondered what it would be like to return, whether she could just pick up from where she had left. But, now she was there, still sitting, with nothing left to imagine. Things had changed, her friends had evolved, but so had she. In the past five years she had gained new perspectives on the world and how she wanted to live. But in a lot of ways she had stayed the same, and retained her old hopes and dreams. The dream to come back to her brownstone, to buzz him up, to cook for him, and to lay in bed in his arms, and tell him about all her experiences. But she knew none of this was possible anymore. Her dreams would not come true. She had to fight to get over it. Her travels had made her stronger, but she still had not gotten over him. The one love she had had in her life had been over for quite sometime.

Over the years she stopped blaming herself, but she still felt an emptiness that she hadn’t felt when they were together. While she tried hard to let others in, it wasn’t the same. The memories of their life together always interfered with her new found life. The only place she could connect with others was through art. She could evoke an emotional response in others and feel a connection as she inspired the uninspired. She helped design many Kouroi, and while the artists weren’t aware, to her, each one had an element of him in it. His shoulders, his hands, or his strong legs. When she was commissioned to help work on the sculpture of a head, she disappeared after designing the eyes and lips, because for the first time in five years she saw him again, and could no longer bare the thought of never seeing this stone sculpture, she wanted to see the live representation of it. This is what had led her to ending the five years of wandering, and come back home. But her love was betrothed to another, and she once again felt empty. She wanted desperately to go to him, she wanted to tell him how she still felt. But, she knew it would be unfair to him. But, the night of the rehearsal dinner she she had felt a connection. She saw how he looked at her. ”No its only because he hasn’t seen me in so long. It doesn’t mean anything,” she told herself.

“Why is this so hard? Why did Charlie have to leave?” The only other man next to Aidan that she had come close to falling for had been Charlie, but he wasn’t ready for her. And his only escape was to runaway. Perhaps his actions had influenced her to do the same. The thought of unrequited love was too much for her, and quickly after Charlie’s departure she too ran away.

***

Drew walked up the staircase and rang the buzzer several times. There was no answer. He looked at his watch, he was an hour late, he should have called. Still where could she be? He peered into the glass. It didn’t look like anyone was around. Drew sat down on the steps and figured he would wait for her. He wasn’t leaving until he got an explanation, she owed it to him, they were supposed to be best friends!

Then off in the distance a small cheery girl was walking up. She stopped at the stairs, and looked up at him. ”Are you Drew?” she asked. He nodded back at her, “And who might you be?”

“I’m Priscilla, I’m supposed to deliver this to you.” She was holding a vanilla colored envelope. ”My aunt Jenna said its very important!”

He took the envelope from her, and on the front in Jenna’s handwriting it said: ”To my love, Aidan.” ”Where did she go?” demanded Drew.

“I don’t know. I overheard my dad talk to mom, something about sailing.”

Drew sighed, he had lost her again. He would have to wait for her to show up again.

The following day, the wedding ceremonies started. Drew was hesitant to deliver the envelope to Aidan, he wanted to open it, and find out what had happened, but he was a good friend and respected Jenna, so he kept it sealed.

Aidan was putting on his tux when Drew walked him. ”Good luck today.” remarked Drew. ”Thanks! What have you got there?” asked Aidan noticing the envelope.

“I’m not sure if this is good or bad, but its for you,” replied Drew handing over the envelope.

“Oh its from Jenna.” Aidan’s heart started to race. He had thought about her constantly, since the night of the rehearsal dinner, and had told Sara that Jenna was in town, but nothing more on the subject, because he knew Sara would get nervous. He had secretly hoped that she would be at the wedding with Josh, he missed having her around, but he also knew it would make things difficult for everyone, especially her. He hadn’t anticipated how he would feel if she ever returned. He had just hoped that she was happy wherever she was in the world. But the night he saw her again, he knew what she wanted. And while he loved her immensely and thought the world of her, he knew he couldn’t give her what she wanted, and so desperately needed. As he started to read her letter, a tear ran down his cheek, he closed it, and thought to himself, “if only…”

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17 November, 2007

Her World – Installment 4

He approached her first as she was talking to Drew. “Look who decided to show up to the party,” Drew said trying to break the ice between the two, “well I’m going to go now, I’ll talk to you later Jenna.” As Drew walked away Jenna looked up at him. He had the same look he had had years ago, his soft eyes, and pleasant smiled had gone unchanged.

“I didn’t know this was your rehearsal dinner, honestly. I suspected but – ”

“It’s ok. I’m glad you’re here, and safe. I’ve missed you.” He couldn’t take his eyes off of her. All the tension of the moment seemed to slip away as he looked at her.

“I know this is terrible timing on my part, but if you want me to go – ”

As she spoke those words he suddenly realized the context, and all the painful memories resurfaced. But he couldn’t bring himself to tell her to go, so instead he said, “Yes it is.”

She was getting ready to leave when suddenly a striking woman approached him from behind and grabbed him, “Gotcha, been looking for you everywhere, its time.” She didn’t even notice Jenna, but just proceeded to give him a kiss of the cheek.

“Alright.” He didn’t bother introducing the two of the them. He looked at Jenna saddened, but tried to maintain his composure for Sara.

As the pair walked away. Jenna swallowed hard, and tried to hold it all in. She walked through the room quickly, but with grace, searching for Josh. But he was no where to be found. She was torn; she desperately wanted to leave to escape, but she was stuck. An announcement was being made, and people started to take their seats. An arm grabbed her from behind.

“There you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere.” It was Josh.

“Sorry I guess I got caught up talking to those girls.”

“Ok. Well come on – “.

“I’m not feeling very well, I just – I think I need to go home.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Not sure, something just hit me.”

“Why don’t you stay for a bit, and then I’ll take you home.”

“No its ok, I’ll just catch a cab.”

“Ok. Let me come out with you.”

“No stay. Enjoy the dinner. I’ll be fine.”

“You sure?”

“Yes,” she tried to give him a smile, but still looked uneasy.

“I’ll call you later.”

She nodded, and then walked away, trying to avoid being seen by him. She walked out side, and the tears started to roll down her cheeks. She tried with all her might to hold them back. To tell herself that this was her decision, her mistake, he wasn’t hers anymore, she gave up that right a long time ago. But why did it still hurt so much? Time hadn’t healed her, it had only made things worse. She walked and walked, trying to calm herself down. Then caught a cab and went home. Perhaps it was a mistake to return, to come back, but she knew she had to confront her fears head on, she just didn’t think that her worst fears would come true, but they had.

***

“R-rrring ring, rrring ring.” The phone wouldn’t stop. She turned to her nightstand to see who it was, but realized she didn’t recognize the number. What the hell just answer it, she told herself.

“Hey Jenna, its Drew. I got your number from Josh. Funny didn’t think he was your type, but anyways, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine. I just – I couldn’t be there last night.”

“Hey its ok. I was just calling, because I do still really want to catch up. Why don’t I come by and take you out to lunch.”

“I’m not really in the mood for it.”

“Oh come on, you’ve gotta eat. And I don’t mean to be obligatory, but I want an explanation.”

“Drew please.”

“Jenna, I haven’t seen you in five years! Don’t blow me off, its not like you. But if you really don’t want to today, then give me a call later this weekend or next week.”

She paused for a second, and sighed, “You’re right, I owe you an explanation, come by around one. I’ll email you my address.”

“Alright see you soon.”

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16 November, 2007

Her World – Installment 3

“Hey babe, you almost ready?” Josh shouted into the intercom.

“Almost, come on in – ” Jenna was interrupted by the buzzer.

Josh climbed the flights thinking, why does a woman who’s independently wealthy climb all these steps each day, when she could probably afford a penthouse suit or a building with an elevator.

“Hello there, ” Jenna greeted Josh at the door, “Can I get you anything?”

“I’m good, but we should head out soon, the dinner is going to start, and Aidan’s the type that will probably freak out if I’m not there at least 5 minutes ahead of schedule.”

“Ok, let me grab my sweater.”

As they rushed off to dinner Jenna had a look unease on her face, she was deep in thought. Josh looked at her searching for an answer. When she noticed what he was doing she quickly wiped the look of her face and replaced it with a smile, and took his arm.

They entered the restaurant and were greeted by hundreds of unknown faces, all chattering at once. “Josh I thought you said it was going to be a small wedding?” Jenna quietly asked Josh. “Well small is relative these days, and Sara has many friends and a rather large family, which I guess makes up for Aidan only inviting his closest friends and immediate family.”

Jenna walked through the crowd not recognizing a single face. People came up to her and Josh introduced her as his friend. She didn’t mind. And everyone commented on her beauty. “Why Josh she’s pretty – keep her!” whispered one woman. Josh just smiled and kept moving Jenna through the crowds.

“Oh wow its almost time, I should go check on Aidan, do you think you can find our table?”

“I’ll manage, go on.” Jenna gently nudged Josh away.

A few young girls came up to Jenna and started talking to her. “So you must be the new girl in town. What’s your name?”

“Jenna, please to meet you. Are you friends of the bride or the groom?”

“Why the bride of course, ” they all retorted. One girl remarked, “I think just Aidan’s family, best friend, and some of his close associates are here. Who are you here with?”

“Josh – ” before Jenna could finish her sentence she was interrupted by a familiar face.

“Jenna? What are you doing here…no wait more importantly where have you been these past five years? Oh you look great, I’ve missed you so much…”

“Hi Drew.” Jenna smiled at him, and opened her arms to give him a hug.

The girls were confused, but just smiled and quietly stared at Jenna and Drew.

“What are you doing here? Wait…would you ladies mind excusing us,” said Drew, and escorted Jenna away.

“Drew, I’m really sorry I didn’t contact you as soon as I was in town.”

“Nevermind that, are you ok? We were all so worried about you. We tried contacting your family, your brothers, but no one would tell us anything. The first year was the hardest on him, but then he got past it, and started to move on.”

“Good I’m glad. I’m really happy for him.”

“Come on Jenna, we know that’s not true.”

“Drew, please don’t make this any harder on me than it already has been.”

“Ok, well I’m glad you’re here and my you look stunning.”

“Thanks.”

“Come sit at my table.”

“No I couldn’t…I shouldn’t.”

“Ok, but I want to talk to you after this.”

“We will, I promise.”

“Jenna you used to tell me everything…”

“I know, but it just got hard, and I needed to leave, to escape – “ she looked away, and there he was in the distance, dashing as ever. The years apart had made him more handsome than she could remember. But there was something about his stance that was off, and she couldn’t quite put her finger on it. In that moment he saw her too, and for an instant he looked at her the way he looked at her the first time they kissed, longingly.

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30 May, 2007

Her World – Installment 2

He sat in his office admiring her picture. Sara’s beauty was intoxicating, but it was her energy that drew him to her. They hadn’t been together very long, but long enough to know that they enjoyed each other’s company. They had shared many experiences throughout their travels and adventures that had helped them form a close bond. Sara’s lively nature complemented Aidan’s adventurous side. Anyone who met them was amazed by the lively pair’s synergy, and enthusiasm for living life.

In a few days they would proclaim to the world that they wanted to be with one another and no one else. As Aidan continued to stare at Sara’s picture he saw something that puzzled him, Sara’s smile was perfect, but in this particular shot a bit forced. He quickly dismissed the idea, and didn’t proceed to give it a second thought.

“So I think I finally found a date for your wedding!” Josh stepped into Aidan’s office and interrupted his daydreaming.

“Finally.” Aidan retorted with a sarcastic smile.

“Yeah I’ve got a good feeling about this one.”

“What’s different about this one?”

“She’s not much of a talker…but she’s got a quiet intensity about her that turns me on!”

“Any specifics…like what does she do for a living?”

“She’s a muse.”

“What?”

“She inspires the uninspired.”

“And how does she pay the rent?”

“Oh she’s independently wealthy. Apparently she was an i-banker up in NYC, struck it rich a few years back, and retired to become a muse. So fascinating.”

“Josh, what have we talked about?”

“Trust me she’s not a nut. You’ve gotta meet her, you’ll love her, seriously.”

“As long as you’re happy. But take it slow.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m late to dinner with her, I’ll tell you more later.” Josh waved and walked away.

“Ok but don’t forget rehearsal dinner tomorrow night at 7pm.” Aidan called out to him.

“Of course!”

***

It was a warm summer night, there was a slight breeze blowing in from the window, and the only thing that covered their bodies was a soft thin sheet. She lay on his chest, comforted by his strength. He had a strength and confidence that she hadn’t seen in someone for years. Her eyelids felt heavy and as she drifted into a deep slumber she felt at ease, the last words she whispered to him were, “I’m all yours.”

The next morning they awoke, and he looked down at her. His look made her melt; she was willing to do anything for him, because they understood each other. He quietly left the room, and said, “I’m sorry.” The comfort and security she had felt laying in his arms had been instantly replaced by pain. A pain she had foreseen, and effortlessly submitted to. She had tried so hard to prove that she was worthy of his love, as she had told him he was worthy of hers. But it hadn’t been enough. He was a determined man, and his determination outweighed all her efforts.

Her mind wasn’t at ease, but she submitted to the loss.

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21 May, 2007

Her World – Installment 1

The following is a short story that I’ve been working on for months.

It was a warm summer day. The flowers from the dogwoods where everywhere, and the air felt sultry with a gentle breeze. As she walked through the park Jenna reminisced of the times she had spent there with Aidan. She thought about the pictures he had taken of her by the dogwoods, and by the pond with the giant lilies, and she of him climbing up his favorite giant redwood tree with the large knotted base. As she looked down at the dark green grass, a sly smile broke across her face, she thought about the night they had spent together on it. The park’s beauty and serenity captured the essence of their relationship. She wondered what had caused its demise. She furrowed her eyebrows and looked up at the bright blue sky, and remembered that single question that had caused so much doubt in her mind, and brought her to this state of solitude.

Jenna sat there patiently reading her book waiting. Then a friendly familiar face emerged at the door. They both gave each other a warm hug and proceeded to sit down, and exchanged pleasantries. It had been a couple of years since the two girls had seen each other, and had much to catch up on. Each one’s life had changed so much in the past few years one’s for the better the other’s for the worse. It was funny how the one who had had such a pleasant childhood was now wraught with uncertainty in her family life. While the other was terribly in love, and completely immune to the distressed world around her and had outgrown her tumultous upbringing. Neither were particularly close to one another, but they figured this was something that cousins do; they meet, discuss the current events in their lives, and then part ways presuming that their lives will not change much after this brief encounter.

“So tell me about him?” Nadine asked. “How long have you two been together?” The other proceeded to talk about him. Jenna had wry smile or her face, and her eyes lit up as she spoke of Aidan And once she started it was almost as if no one else was around. She described him, as she saw him, beautiful, confident, and loving.

“Is he your world?”

“What does that mean?” Jenna asked.

“He seems to be the only person in your life.” Nadine responded.

“Well…”

“No its perfectly ok. Its just that he’s your world.”

At the moment Jenna thought nothing of it. And quickly dismissed her cousin. She rationalized the notion by thinking to herself my cousin isn’t in love, she doesn’t know what its like. I fell in love with him the day after I met him, I knew he was the one, and had resolved to be with him, and knew I wouldn’t find anyone else as passionate about life as him. And he feels the same way about me.

The two were indeed passionate people. But over the years their passion for each another had subsided, and was replaced by a stronger force, ambition. And as ambition began to drive the lovers apart, the question began to plague her mind. “Is he your world?” Jenna would mull over it, and wonder if there was something or someone else in the world that hadn’t yet been explored. If she was missing something. After all they were so young when they had falled for each other, and they had sheltered each other so much over the years. Neither had had the opportunity to venture into the world without the other. Perhaps it was time. So she took a gamble. She tore her world apart, and moved on without him.

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